We have made it through Mercury Retrograde, the first day of Summer, and Summer Solstice.
I have been kid-free since Memorial Day weekend but the first week of Summer just does something to me. It’s crazy because my daughter, Yemi, is almost 6. This is the first time since I feel like I am who I am meant to be before being a Mom. I was 23 at the peak of embracing who I thought I was meant to be and then *BOOM* I’m having a baby. Since then, I lost myself and got off track and let things like postpartum depression and a break-up take me under. I haven’t really taken time to reflect on that until this year, at 30. I really went through some things — only to realize that I covered them up with the stupidest things like a job I hated but made good money in, drinking, sex, avoidant behavior, you name it. Then last year, COVID hit and it seemed like I lost it all.
I have been “funemployed” for about eight months now. While some months were financially about to take me under, my faith superseded my fear(s). I have remained above water and used this time to really find myself. I curated an art show, I homeschooled Yemi, I took time to face grief head on. The losses that I experienced last year prepared me for the gains that were to come in 2021.
The key this Summer is to truly rediscover who I am and trust the path that I am meant to be on. I have tried and failed multiple times because I wanted to fall in love with other people instead of falling in love with myself. I wanted to find love in situations and scenarios that I created in my head. I applied pressure in the wrong areas. I consumed myself with people who knew how to practice boundaries when I did not. This cycle will not be repeated.
So what exactly is #HotMomSummer ?
It’s a reclamation of my time. A re-introduction of/to myself. I made a bucket list of things that I wished to accomplish while the only responsibility I have is myself. I am going to bring out the pieces of me that I tucked away and see if I still like them.
I am currently in the business of truly being unapologetic about the things that I want to do for myself. I want to date and be a little non-committal for a while. This is the first time since I was 23 that I have been truly single and understanding what it means to be “alone but not lonely.” I’m taking myself on nice dates, solo trips, and going to really make it a thing to smoke a blunt in the morning without feeling guilty. I might even put on a bikini and not cover up my stomach. As a matter of fact, I’m crop topping it indefinitely.
I plan on executing every creative project that I put on the back burner while thinking I was in love. I also vow to not fall in love at any point this Summer (really this year) so that I can focus. My shadow work has shown me that claiming to be avoidant is actually a front. I thoroughly enjoy being a sap but not when it takes time away from my self-expression. More on that later.
So #HotMomSummer it is! Let’s see where this goes. Stay tuned!
With Love,
Keila