I have had to say this for 18 months now. I’ve said it in the nicest way possible, pushed through being passive-aggressive, and even threw some indirect shade via a Facebook status or two. As we continue to celebrate the new life that is my daughter (who again, is a year and a half), I am still in a constant state of annoyance when people call my phone requesting to speak to the baby.
It’s really fucking annoying. I thought that after the first six months people would have some common sense and courtesy to ask me, the first time Mom and the involuntary Stay At Home Mom, how I was doing. Nope. The abundance of calls from distant relatives and friends who really just wanted to be nosy, were all just calls to ask about the baby.
“She says hi.” My continuous lie that I hope God just lets me charge to the game on Judgement Day. She does not say hi. She will, but more than likely, she will just stare at the phone or if I’m lucky, she will run. But let me just say, that although I am very thankful for people calling and caring about Yemi and her milestones, I am tired.
I wish someone would simply ask “How are you doing?” I don’t want to talk about Motherhood every time someone calls me. There are layers to my Womanhood. There are levels to me. It is nice to just talk about other things that I do. For instance, last night I made my own lotion. I also started writing for Quirktastic again. Aside from that stuff, I’m writing poetry again, and planning a huge move to another state. People would know these things if they took the time to simply ask about the parent as well as the child.
Don’t let anyone convince you that you or your feelings don’t matter after you bring a child in this world. Your future isn’t over and the sacrifices that come with motherhood does not include sacrificing your entire being. It is not a time to become silent, nor is it a time to allow others to make you feel as if you no longer matter. My child doesn’t steal my shine, she shares it. Kids are a reflection of us, and if we aren’t able to be our best selves, how can we encourage our little ones?
So, if you’re the type of person that (A) doesn’t have kids yet and you like to call and ask “where’s the baby” or (B), you’re the relative who just loves the kids, please think before you speak. Take some time and ask the Mommas how they’re living OR ask if they need anything. A little really does go a long way.
What are some things people have done after you had children?