I Made it to 25, and Still Don’t Have it Together

Almost halfway through the year, and 25 has been good to me for the most part. I look good, I feel good, I’m healthy, in love, I have a roof over my head…my phone is on (Thanks, Mom!), etc. It’s the little things, right? However, as I sit here and try not to type this in vain, I can only explain that although “life’s great,” I barely know what I’m doing half the time. I do not have it together.

For one, I still don’t have my degree. Does it make me unhappy? Not at all. Would I like to get it? Eventually. I have six classes left. Six classes that I can’t afford right now, and six classes that are not a priority for me because it won’t make me richer or happier than I am right now. Moving forward, my Mom still pays my cellphone bill and car insurance. Am I grateful? Hell yeah! Does she do it without complaint? Hell nah, my Momma is Black. Complaining is embedded in our DNA no matter how green the pastures.

Next up, I don’t have a 9 to 5. I bartend and I work in retail. Again, I am not unhappy. I’m happy to have a job! It gets hard our here for folks. Would my parents like for me to have a job with benefits? OF COURSE! I have a daughter and my main goal is to make sure she is all good! And she is! And although everyone wants to be able to provide, the stress, anxiety, and unhealthy emotions that come with those wants, are not worth it.

I am 25 and I do not wish to please anyone but God and my child. Every day I strive to do my personal best and work towards my writing and modeling goals. Every day that I ignore the negative comments and distractions, I get closer to where I need and want to be.

You are not your parents’ bucket list. Whatever they can’t complete should not be pushed on you. Their friends’ kids who are graduating, completing their masters, getting married (extreme side-eye), going off to study the cure for whatever disease, is not meant to be your rubric. Those kids are probably miserable and self-medicating because they’re living the life their parents want for them, anyways. Trust me, some of them come to my bar, lol.

I am currently reading The Four Agreements by  don Miguel Ruiz and one thing that stood out to me was a quote about children that had me on edge for a few days. (Seriously, I had to put the book down.) Here it is:

“Children are domesticated the same way that we domesticate a dog, a cat, or any other animal. In order to teach a dog we punish the dog and we give it rewards. We train our children whom we love so much the same way that we train any domesticated animal: with a system of punishment and reward.”

Phew. That was a lot, right? Once it sinks in, you realize the truth behind it. However, we cannot keep applying outdated animalistic concepts to raising and accepting millennial and indigo children.

DUH.

Anyways, 25 has been eye-opening. You go through so many things internally and externally. You can battle the ideas of being too young to do something or being too old to engage in something that gives you a thrill. You think twice about buying the shoes. (Buy the damn shoes.) You don’t think about how something will affect you before you worry about how it will affect someone else. You’re almost 30, but you were just 20 five years ago, lol. 25 is pretty much standing in the middle of a teeter-totter hoping both sides of the beams will balance each other out…peacefully.

It’s perfectly okay. Better now, than at 40, right? No, just better now.  25 is exactly what it reads as: TWENTY-FIVE. You will be okay. If you don’t have it together right now, just work with what you’ve got. Hell, if you don’t have it together later, work with what you’ve got. Your story is your own. Stop letting people (in my case, parents) try to give you input based off of what they see other people doing. Stop taking unsolicited advice from people who don’t even check on you or pay the bills you can barely afford to pay yourself. Just stop listening to outsiders who just want to see you do what they are too scared to try themselves. Most of the time, that’s really what it is, lol.

I am 25, and don’t have it all together, but I am okay, and I am happy.

<3 Keila

 

 

3 thoughts on “I Made it to 25, and Still Don’t Have it Together

  1. Anthony Hayes

    This is wonderful to hear and read, so glad to see you using one of your many skills (writing.) 🙂 Can you read this book for me. It’s called the Noticer.

    Also read Who Moved My Cheese.

  2. Mrs. Burton

    This blog, like the one I read from you before touched me because when I was 25, my boat was similar to yours. I enjoy your honesty with your readers and it pushes me to step out of my private shadow little by little….because the people want to know who you are and why you are. Thank you for sharing.

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